Rebecca Taylor

Yesterday we had our first Skype based IEP meeting and, after only a couple glitches: a dropped connection, incessant barking dog, not yet being fluent on how to share a document from your own screen–it went really well. Considering. More importantly, it was really great to see my co-worker’s faces. To know that they are doing well, are healthy, and that we’re pulling it together under these very different circumstances.

I didn’t end up getting over to see my grandfather and meet some of the other members of his hospice team like I had planned. My aunt called me and said that they had arrived early (while I was still in my meeting) and had just left. His nurse case manager had advised earlier in the week that my aunt limit visitors to only those that have been self-quarantined and symptom free for at least five days–I don’t qualify. But my aunt did send me the social worker’s number so I could call and ask my questions. Mainly I’d like to learn more about what resources might be available for my grandmother with dementia. Some good news, my grandfather was able to get out of bed yesterday and spend some time upstairs on the main floor with grandma, my aunt, and her husband.

I didn’t get as much written yesterday as I would have liked. The day was spent doing mostly job related things–today might end up being much the same. But we’ll see how much I can get done after I write and post this. One thing: so many of my fellow 2020 debut authors have had events and book signings cancelled due to our current circumstances. Everyone is scrambling to try to find ways to connect with readers online and still bring awareness to their titles without being able to have signings. I have offered to host some of the 2020 debut authors here on my blog. So far seventeen have raised their hands and said they’d like me to either do a feature on their book and/or a short author interview. So that will be happening here over the coming months in an attempt to support them as much as I can beyond buying their books myself. I’m really looking forward to doing this!

As for Beth and Matthew, they have been sticking close to the house, staying up late, waking up late, and pretty much doing their best to keep themselves entertained. Nothing with roll out with regards to online school until April 1, so they have time to revel in this state of nearly zero responsibility. We got gobs of snow yesterday and they both went outside to make a snowman in the front yard. Which filled my heart with warmth and joy and made me remember back when they were little and we would spend hours together out behind our house sledding, building lopsided igloos, and misshapen snowmen. My heart was nearly full to bursting from these, now idyllic and not completely accurate, memories when both my teens came running up to the front door and shouted at me to come see their creation. So I shoved on some boots and went outside.

At the very front of my yard, right next to the mailbox, they had constructed a snowman with a wide grin, a lopsided and upside down sun-visor, who was holding an empty beer bottle and smoking a fat joint–WITH the end burnt, you know, for authenticity.

He’s still sitting out there this morning, having a great substance induced time while I worry about what sort of message this is sending and what the neighbors will think as they walk their dogs and take their own, still innocent, young children out to make appropriate snowmen.

I DID manage to take his keys–so at least he won’t be a hazard to anyone on the roads!

Here in Colorado, it was originally decided that schools would be closed until March, 30th. Although I feel like none of us were really thinking anyone would be heading back into the buildings, and my principal said as much on Monday when we were allowed back into our building to gather belongings and anything we thought we would need for the next two weeks. Then yesterday, the Governor announced that, yes, schools will now be closed through April 17th, which would put the kids return date at Monday April 20th.

No one was surprised. All the schools are scrambling to find ways to still provide some online solutions for this time–and possibly for the rest of the year. As a school psychologist, and part of the special education team, we are working to start holding distance IEP meetings (probably with Zoom or Skype) and those first meetings are starting today. I’m sure it will take some figuring out, and hopefully everyone will be patient with us as we get our feet back under us on this new-to-us territory. The next big hurtle will be trying to figure out how to provide special education services and conduct assessments when we are not in the same room with the kids.

There will for sure be some problem solving that needs to happen over the course of the next few weeks; but I honestly have confidence that we will figure it out together. The team I work with is amazing–I’m grateful for them every day.

And speaking of gratitude, here is a list of a few other things I’m grateful for this morning.

1. I’m healthy
2. My family is healthy
3. Billy (our malshee)
4. Chloe (our new pug monster)
5. Our home
6. The food in our fridge and cupboard
7. The sunny warm day we had yesterday and the time I spent in my back yard feeling that warmth (because I think a winter storm is heading for us today)
8. The, reasonable, amount of toilet paper we have (I know you may be scared, but please don’t hoard things. It just contributes to herd panic)
9. I am sleeping really well, super deep, but very weird and vivid dreams
10. For every positive thing I see, read, and feel that helps raise the emotions into the optimism range

Beth and Matthew are aware that they will be participating in online learning starting April 1–we all have no idea what to expect or how this will look. But again, day by day problem solving is the only plan we can really make with regards to this.

One major disappointment for Beth is that she’ll for sure be losing prom this year. It was scheduled for April 11th. We imagine it will be unlikely they will reschedule this.

Other than that, everyone is staying connected to their friends much as they always have, through snapchat. So at least that probably doesn’t feel too different. Although I know they both miss seeing friends in real life.

As for the rest of today, I plan on writing this morning. Tidying the house (because damn it gets unhinged quick with everyone home all day every day). I have my first virtual IEP (Individual Education Plan) meeting at 11:30 followed by our special education team virtual meeting at 1:00. Then I’ll be working on IEP reports and scoring any evaluations I had completed prior to the shut down.

At 3:30 I’m heading to my grandparents house to meet with the hospice social worker and spiritual advisor as we also navigate my grandfather’s current health situation. He does not have the virus, but he does appear to be reaching the end of his life. As a family, we are working through what this looks like, feels like, and means for my grandmother who has dementia and is unable to care for herself.

It’s more day by day problem solving and decision making, but I can not express how grateful I am for the hospice team that is providing amazing support and guidance for both my grandfather and the family.

I know life is crazy and stressful under even the best of circumstances, but I really do believe that now is the time to dig deep and find the good that is still all around us every day. At least that’s how I choose to live during uncertain and unsettling moments.

Like everyone else, I’m home right now as we try to get a handle on slowing the spread of the Coronavirus. If you didn’t already know, I work in schools as psychologist. Last Thursday we got the message: Don’t come in tomorrow, or next week. In fact, don’t come back until after spring break on March 30th.

School is closed.

I can’t tell you how often during this school year I’ve wished for extra time off to finish my current book (that is due to my publisher this spring). But I can honestly say, I didn’t wish it like this. In my mind, the extra time off to focus on my book was more a fantasy. Fun to dream about but in no way a reality to be had. Never, not once, did pandemic circumstances play a role.

And yet, here we are.

So now, a few days into staying home as much as possible, I’m trying to find a new routine that is both pragmatic and, let’s face it, fear reducing. Because, like many people, between checking the news, facebook, and twitter (BTW, stay off this platform as much as possible) I have found it incredibly hard to focus on much other than a rising tide of worry.

And worry, I have learned, is the antithesis to creativity. Yesterday I realized I needed to get a grip otherwise the next few weeks would float by on a sea of cortisol induced paralysis.

So here is what I did–and it worked:

1. I woke up and did not (DID NOT) check the news, my email, or social media first thing
2. I went downstairs, made a pot of tea, and drank my first cup while sitting in my backyard with my dogs
3. With a second cup of tea, I went into my office, lit a candle, and meditated for fifteen minutes
4. I folded some laundry that has been sitting in my bedroom for days
5. I spent five minutes (5 minutes!) quickly checking for any recent Colorado coronavirus updates and need-to-knows
6. I took my laptop to the couch in our loft area and decided this was the area I would be writing in today (moving to a different location seemed to help me focus on that project and avoid obsessively checking social media and/or the news
7. Over the course of the day, I managed to write 1800 words. Which, let me tell you, felt like a miracle.

I’m making an active effort to keep my emotions in the hopefulness-optimism-positive expectations range. I don’t like our current circumstances any more than the next person, but I’ll keep trying my best to focus on what I can control right now and the belief that, when we all get on board with doing our part of staying away from each other to “flatten the curve”, in a couple months we’ll be able to get back to some normalcy.

So here’s my current plan: stay healthy, stay calm, stay sane, stay productive; and try to avoid any negative thought spirals.